Many families share a quiet fear: “Is our family drifting apart?”
Their financial plans were solid.
Their estate documents were in place.
But beneath all of it was a deeper concern:
Would the relationships survive?
Many families work hard to build financial capital but unintentionally overlook their human capital; the strengths, values, stories, and perspectives within each family member. And when people feel unseen or misunderstood, disconnection can quietly grow over time.
Our hope is that this book creates awareness that support exists before distance becomes severe, and that investing in relationships may be one of the most important living legacy decisions a family can make.
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Will your family endure after significant life events and transitions?
Your investment, financial and estate plans preserve your financial assets.
Create a plan to help preserve your family relationships and develop the trust and understanding they will rely on during life transitions.
Learn from Margaret James and her family. Below is an excerpt from our book, Money Isn’t Enough.
The James Family Story part one through part four-Worried About Drifting Apart to Taking Action
The James Family Tapestry: Part One—Worried About Drifting Apart
Margaret James sat in her favorite chair by the window, the afternoon light spilling across the room. At almost eighty years old, she was grateful for the years she had been given, but her mind often wandered back to earlier times, when family gatherings were crowded and noisy, filled with love and laughter.
Back then, she never questioned whether the family would come together. Holidays meant tables stretched to their limits, voices raised in conversation, and plates filled with all the favorite family recipes.
But these days, Margaret couldn’t remember the last time she’d had all her kids and grandkids in the same room. With her three children’s families scattered across the country, and everyone so busy with work and school, she knew it was difficult for everyone to come together. But she questioned whether her grandkids, who had played in the backyard when they were much younger, even talked to each other much anymore. She loved her children and grandchildren deeply, but she sensed a drifting that troubled her. And since her husband, Harold, had passed away, she was the only living member of her generation in the family. She was the matriarch, and it was up to her to bring everyone together, but how?
Margaret found herself wondering what would happen after she was gone. She was proud of the successes her children had built for themselves, and she cherished each grandchild. Yet she worried that without her presence urging everyone back to the same table, the ties might continue to loosen. Would they know each other beyond polite updates? Would the grandchildren choose to continue to share some of the stories and traditions their parents had grown up with? Or would those memories fade, leaving each branch of the family tree to grow in its own direction, apart from the rest?
The thought of her family scattering, of grandchildren who might one day become strangers to one another, weighed heavily on her heart. She wanted more for them than financial wealth and possessions. She wanted them to have a bond strong enough to last through change, distance, and time.
The James Family Story: Part Two- Taking Action
The James Family Tapestry: Part two—Taking Action
As Margaret James began to explore resources to help bring her family closer together, she had one thought in the back of her mind she couldn’t ignore: “Why haven’t I done this sooner?” As her 80th birthday drew near, Margaret did not know how many years she had left, and she lamented that she could have sought solutions sooner and enjoyed more years with a connected family. But if her husband’s passing had taught her anything, it was to make the most of each day, because you never know how many you have left.
Margaret resolved to take action. She was determined to bring her family together, and she would not let more time pass her by without doing so. “Sure, I could have started sooner,” she thought, “But I’m grateful I chose to start today! I could very well have another ten or fifteen years with my family to cherish, and I’m going to make the most of the time I am given.” Soon, Margaret would discover the answer she was seeking, and her journey to a more vibrant living legacy would take flight.
The James Family Story: Part Three- Margaret’s Gift
The James Family: Part Three—Margaret’s Gift
As Margaret’s eightieth birthday approached, she knew exactly what she wanted.
She had recently learned about the Family Discovery Experience from a friend who described how it had helped her own family grow closer. The more Margaret listened, the more she felt it was what her family needed: a process to help them go deeper in their conversations, to rediscover each other and strengthen their bonds for the years ahead.
So, when each of her kids and grandkids called to wish her a happy birthday, she told them her plan. “The best gift you could give me,” she said, “is to go through this process with me. I don’t need a party or more things. What I want is to understand each of you better and to know that when I’m no longer here, you’ll still be connected to one another.”
The James Family Story: Part Four-The Family Accepts the Gift and Begins to Reflect
The James Family Discovery Experience: Part 4—The Family Accepts the Gift and Begins to Reflect
A few weeks later, the James family began their Discovery Experience. Each person received a Reflection Survey: a structured set of questions designed to help them pause and look back. At first, some of the younger grandchildren weren’t sure what to make of it. Questions like “Who were the most impactful people in your life?” or “What challenges have shaped who you are today?” felt big. But as they sat with the prompts, writing by hand as encouraged, something began to shift. Memories surfaced: of childhood mentors, hard-earned successes, and even painful moments that had left lasting lessons.
For Margaret, the survey stirred deep gratitude. She wrote about her parents, who grew up during the Depression and taught her resilience, and about her late husband, Harold, whose steady faith and humor had anchored their family for decades. She found herself reflecting on the traditions they had built together: holiday gatherings, summer reunions, the little rituals that stitched the family’s story together.
Her children, too, found the process meaningful in unexpected ways.
Thomas, her oldest son, was now the co-owner of the construction business his grandfather founded. Usually practical and business-minded, he struggled to get into this “emotional” exercise at first, but ended up writing about how his grandfather’s work ethic had shaped his drive to provide.
Beth, the middle child, was the director of an arts nonprofit. She had always felt overshadowed by her brothers’ more “traditional” accomplishments. But now, she reflected on her mother’s encouragement to help others, realizing how that had guided her into the nonprofit world.
Daniel, the youngest son, admitted, even just to himself on paper, how much his father’s law career had influenced his decision to become a lawyer.
For the grandchildren, the survey opened doors to new conversations. Michael, the eldest, realized how much he admired his grandmother’s persistence, even if he had never said it aloud. Sophie, the youngest, surprised herself by writing pages about her love of music and how it connected her to memories of family sing-alongs at Christmas. Ethan appreciated the support his Discovery Experience Process Advocate provided so his autism and dysgraphia did not limit his ability to benefit from the Reflections Survey.
When they gathered for the family conversation, they understood they would not discuss everything in the Reflections Survey, just what they were comfortable sharing. But the very act of writing had already softened edges. They had begun to notice threads that connected them, stories they hadn’t thought about in years, and values that seemed to echo across generations. Some called Margaret to let her know this first step had been a good one.
For Margaret, knowing her children and grandchildren were leaning into reflection was the greatest birthday gift she could have received. She felt confident that The James family had taken the first step to reconnecting.
The rest of the story continues throughout our book, Money Isn’t Enough. It includes the remaining steps in the Discovery Experience, Margaret’s 80th birthday celebration and beyond.
The James Family Tapestry: Part Eight–Discuss for Impact (at Margaret’s 80th birthday celebration)
Finally, the James family gathered for the culminating step: a facilitated family conversation. Margaret had dreamed of this moment: all of them in one room, not simply exchanging pleasantries, but truly listening to one another.
Their Guide, serving as facilitator, began by inviting each person to share one reflection or insight from the process. At first, there was hesitation. But as Michael spoke about his struggle with expectations, Beth offered words of encouragement. When Sophie admitted her uncertainty about a college major, her cousins jumped in with affirmations of her gifts. Support was offered by all as Ethan described his passion for coding, and tears came when Margaret expressed how much she longed for the family to remain close.
By the end of the conversation, the family had named shared values: integrity, generosity, and encouragement. They had recognized differences not as barriers, but as strengths. And most importantly, they had begun to articulate a vision of who they wanted to be together.
For Margaret, it was the birthday gift of a lifetime.
The James Family Story: One Year Later—Margaret’s 81st Birthday
After reigniting their family connection through their shared Discovery Experience, Margaret’s family decided to gather for a second facilitated family conversation for Margaret’s 81st birthday. They recognized that time and meaningful conversation was their gift to Margaret and to each other. They felt comfortable building on the foundation that was laid last year.
Though Margaret and many of the James family were committed Christians, some family members had become disconnected from the faith they were raised in. Unfortunately, religion had become a source of tension within the family rather than a uniting force. Margaret had often wondered how she could bring some of her family members back to Christ without feeling like she was forcing her beliefs upon them and driving them further away. She wondered if she could use this second family conversation to take some safe steps in this direction.
In her prayer time, Margaret was prompted to recognize a possible “safe” way to integrate faith into family conversations by discussing generosity. She recalled “giving back” or generosity as being a shared value identified during last year’s family conversation. She had also learned that she needed to be mindful of the different perspectives and priorities of each family member. Margaret scheduled a conversation with her Discovery Experience Guide to take a fresh look at the insights gathered about her family to see if there was a way to integrate faith into this year’s discussion. They concluded that a Journey of Generosity (JOG) event might provide the desired moving time of reflection, insights from others, and inspiration. The conversation would be led by skilled JOG facilitators. Margaret felt confident inviting her family to participate in a JOG in lieu of a traditional birthday party because of last year’s success with their Discovery Experience.
Margaret’s family was curious about the topic of God and money, and they were reassured when they learned it was a conversation only. No one would “prescribe” what to do, nor would they be asked to donate. Trust had been built up through their Family Discovery Experience, so they all felt confident that this would be a positive and affirming conversation.
The JOG went well and included deep sharing, some laughter and, of course, a birthday dinner and cake at the end. Another thread, this time one of generosity, guided by biblical wisdom, had been woven into their family tapestry. The James family became more comfortable sharing their perspectives on faith with each other. Margaret was filled with joy, knowing that a door had been opened to further family conversations about God’s presence in their lives.
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